in the dying light
an on-going search for some class and style
THIS BLOG HAS MOVED!
Super excited to announce my new website with integrated blog! I’ll leave this up as an archive (although I spent the time transferring all the posts to other site too). I’ve got a bunch of photos over there and I’d love if you would check it out.
Sports without the action
It’s been awhile friends. The last month has been long and arduous. I’ve been working non-stop on a project that the editors of the paper are really invested in and I think I’ve hit a lull in being creative.
I hate to say it, but sometimes this job burns me down. It leaves me with no sense of self-worth and little remembrance of why I am in it. I see all these people doing great work and wonder why I am not doing the same.
The creative juices have been sapped from me, so I tried to jump start myself at the State basketball tourney last weekend. These were my attempts to show the drama without the action.
WITIT
Thanks for looking, friends
lil’ time and lotsa pitchas
So I’ve been really lame in my first month of blogging in 2014. I have tried over and over to start and write some of the things that have been on my mind, but they just haven’t been flowing. The long and short of it is that I haven’t been feeling that inspired with my work and I need to jump full force into something quick. I’m hoping to eventually push through, so look for at least three blog posts next month.
Here is a look back at a busy January. The rest of this blog will be random thoughts and ideas I’ve either written in notebooks or emailed to myself.
Jan. 19th- This lady just asked if I needed help shooting pictures of the race. I wish I said something devastatingly witty in reply.
Jan. 19th – I remember when I was probably seven and thought I was the fastest runner a kid could be. I challenged a classmate to a race in the parking lot and when he beat me, I learned that I was, in fact, rather slow.
Jan. 23- Totally overheard a cheerleader saying she farted during that last cheer. I wonder how often that happens.
Jan. 18- What’s the differential on close friends after college? I wonder if any of them think about our times together. I definitely still cling to those friendships with random texts, hoping to magically spur conversation that will transport us back to a time when we genuinely cared about each other. Now we talk about video games and life, but not the same as before. Not with the same fervor or interest. It’s gone. Time is unyielding.
Jan. 17- Totally just agreed with a guy that foreign cars were ‘total garbage.’ I find that the more outrageous and terrifying you are, the more I will agree with you.
Jan 16- Broke a lens filter just now when a puck smacked the front of it through the hole. Heard some other photogs talk(i)ng crap earlier, but I’m going to believe that this makes me legit now.
Jan. 13- People grow and sell algae. My college refrigerator was a gold-mine and I never knew.
Jan. 11- This guy is talking, but I really don’t need any of what he is saying, but I want him to feel important so I’ll just keep writing and writing and writing and writing and writing and done.
Jan. 16- I just awkwardly high-fived a drunk guy in a Tap-Out shirt who asked me how many times a girl has ‘asked about my big lens.’ Trying to decide whether this is a new high or low. Further investigation required.
Jan 31- I miss her.
Jan. 9- So many innuendoes, so little time.
Anyway, as always, thanks for looking my friends. I do truly appreciate everyone of you even though I never say it enough.
-pb
The end is a new beginning, 2013
“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” -Abe
It’s been a crazy year. I went from a know-nothing newbee, into a slightly less know-nothing one-year-bee. Overall I’d say that is a success.
Lost and confused to slightly more lost and more confused. Then back to normal. Then, more lost. Wash, rinse and repeat.
But I grew a lot this last year. Not in height. I appear to be stuck at 6’1. That’s not going to help me with my hope of being drafted by the Suns. But in photographic skill and general knowledge.
I learned to appreciate things. Large and small. Friends and family. The most important camera is the one you have on you. And I spent a lot more time shooting on my phone. Partly because work requires it and partly because it gives me a even more, fly-on-the-wall ability.
Some of my best memories from the year actually occurred without a camera in my hand. I will remember them fondly, even if I can’t post them to this blog. I made so many new friends over the past year, too many to name, but know that I appreciate each of you for keeping me sane and listening to me ramble when you could’ve easily said shut up.
Every year, I get to the end and look back. I compare to the year before. And initially I was disappointed with this year. I looked at the previous year and felt like I accomplished more. Like I had better images the year before. I looked around at my coworkers and felt like a pauper among princes. (See their work here- http://www.azcentral.com/photo/News/PhotosofYear/)
But I looked back again, to everything I got to experience and to everything I learned. I got better on each assignment, even if there wasn’t a portfolio picture out of it. I became more patient. I sat on situations for longer. I thought more and more about every shoot.
Sure, I’m not going to win any POYi’s, but I did improve. One of my favorite photographers and mentors, Alyssa Schukar tried to get it through my thick skull. I was complaining to her earlier this year that I wasn’t improving. That I had hit my peak and had flat-lined.
“I’d encourage you to look back at previous times you had felt that you’d plateaued. I think you may find that they were actually times of growth. Only you couldn’t see the forest for the trees.” – Alyssa Schukar
Her advice was right. Don’t be shooting for a portfolio. Don’t think about where you are or where you want to be. When I started shooting, I would shoot anything and everything. I was a kid in a candy store. Every assignment I thought about where the best light was and how I could get to the best situation. I needed to get back to that.
And so I did. The last part of this year was a blast. I shot how I wanted to shoot and let the rest fall into place. Maybe this isn’t the best work in the world, but it’s the best that I got so far. And I’m going to get better. Whether I realize it or not, it will happen.
“You’ve got to keep shooting until you forget about that damned plateau. Don’t think about your portfolio for a bit. Just shoot.” -A
And those have been the best words I’ve listened to. Forget the portfolio for awhile. Shoot because you can. Shoot because you love to shoot. Just shoot.
Thanks again, friends.
november in review
I just turned 24 and according to my “plan,” set by 14-year-old Patrick, I’m pretty far behind on some looming deadlines. But I’ve spent the last decade always skating by on the last second, so I’m used to it by now. Here is a few assignments from last month of work.
Shane Olivea, former NFL lineman, is preparing to get back into the game and training in Phoenix. Newsday called me up and wanted some portraits. To be quite honest I was nervous about the limited time and access, especially being my first non-wedding freelance gig in awhile. Nevertheless, I shot it and the big guy was ridiculously nice and easy going.
I also shot my first Ironman competition. These people are ridiculously insane. I was just exhausted from watching them do all that stuff all day.
I came back to my yearly season of basketball portraits. Not a great set to start out with, but I’m glad to be back shooting my favorite sport (to play/watch or shoot) and have a few ideas I’m hoping to bring to the table for some high school teams later on this season.
I visited a lady who fosters boxers and reminded me how much I missed owning a dog. I grew up with a boxer when I was young and they are extremely smart, funny dogs. I’m looking into picking myself up a friend maybe after a bit. If I do, I apologize now for what my instagram feed will become.
And a return to high school football playoffs. So much excitement and fun. This year I got to shoot some important games (the big timers had College Football to worry about, suckers) and enjoyed every bit.
Anyway, nothing crazy in this blog post. Just trying to push out something with a little bit of consistency. Fourteen-year-old Patrick can shove it, I’m going at my own pace. A pace that might even put out an end of the year blog post for the first time in like three years.
Thanks for looking my friends.
i’m new here…
I find it very fitting that the team with the Budweiser sponsor won the race in Phoenix. Especially since my first trough urinal experience at NASCAR occurred with a man taking a big drink of Keystone while peeing elbow to elbow with me. Ew. Keystone.
I’m still very green to the whole NASCAR racing thing. I have no idea why they do any of the things they do, but I do try to make it look pretty. Each time I’m here I learn more.
When you see photographers like Christian Peterson or Mark J. Rebilas at the races, you know there are going to be great images coming out from it. So I try and get competitive, try to think of new angles. But with cars rolling around a track, there seem to only be a number of areas to get stuff from. 
I’m still learning the areas and the shooting, but it’s getting a bit more fun each time. Kinda looking forward to the next race in March.
Also in a bit of shameless self-promotion, I got a Q and A with the NPPA blog- http://blogs.nppa.org/visualstudent/2013/11/24/emerging-talent-patrick-breen/
Extremely honored to be on the blog, and thankful for everyone’s responses. It means a lot. I probably don’t say it enough, but I’m extremely grateful for everyone who has helped get me here. Sometimes I get so caught up in wanting to improve and change everything in my portfolio and life that I forget to take a breath and look around and appreciate what I’ve got.
I have amazing friends, an awesome boss, a beautiful girl, a talented staff of co-workers constantly pushing me further. I have a job that pays me to shoot. I’ve got a roof over my head and a netflix account with a darn-near perfect queue. If someone had told me everything I would have done and everyone I would’ve met over this crazy journey to 24 years I would’ve thought they were lying.
So I apologize for the constant worrying, complaining and self-deprecating.
I’m lucky. Oh so lucky, and I do appreciate everyone. Thanks for looking friends.
sometimes
I write a lot on this blog. Probably too much. Not today. Here are pictures.
a letter to myself
In between Eddie Adams Workshop, CPOY, POYi, NPPA and any other acronyms I’m missing, I always experience an increase in self-loathing. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. So today, I’m writing myself a reminder to read over when the inevitable disappointment of something happens.
So future Patrick, listen up.
Any of those awards or accolades would have been great. They would’ve helped fill a resume, or impress an employer. But they aren’t the end all, be all. They aren’t why you started and they shouldn’t be why you continue to shoot. Remember everytime you got that shooting high? That moment where you were so excited to be doing what you’re doing. The memories. Whether it be a photo you loved or a subject hugging you while crying. Remember those.
Take time to think about walking into Betty’s bedroom to see the cut-out newspaper picture you took of her and her fiancee in the parking lot on the street. Her telling you that’s the only photo they have together. Remember all that.
Wanting to get better is always a good thing. But this type of stuff isn’t. Because in the end, awards won’t keep you warm at night. They won’t laugh with you while watching a movie or join you for a beer after a long work week. They won’t provide any comfort when you’re old, alone and grey, sitting in a beat-up cloth recliner. They’ll sit on a wall or on a resume long gone while you pull back those memories of the people you met and the things you experienced.
So be happy. You are being paid to shoot. To meet people. To experience life. How can it get better than that? How many of the things you did this past year would have happened if you weren’t a photographer? Life is great. Somebody likes your stuff enough to let you do that for living. In your wildest dreams just four short college years ago, you never thought that would happen.
So cheer up, dude. Tomorrow’s a new day with a new shoot and a new everything. Go make some kickass frames you can be proud of and experience some crazy things you’ll remember when you’re old and grey.
Sincerely,
(the much wiser) present day Patrick
Shootin’ on da daily
My last post took a long time and I felt like I spent forever trying to find the right words. Today’s post will pretty much just be photos.
^My crappy attempt at layers for the week. Need to keep working on it.
Rattlers, swimming features, fires, Jeopardy contestants, volleyball and so much more. It’s been a busy month.
One of the coolest things down here are the dust storms. Giant walls of dust kick up and create a brown wall that frightens the native Arizonans because they apparently haven’t experienced real weather.
I’m really excited for high school football to start back up. There is something I just love about it. During the first part of the season we will get nice light right up till the start of games, but by the end it will all take place in the dark. Shooting-wise it bites, but being from Nebraska I can appreciate not having frozen fingers covered in snow when shooting games in early November.
The last shot is another Rattlers entrance photo. I try something new every time for this. I have one in my portfolio, but I keep coming back to this one. There is something about it I really like. It’s one of the photos that I love for no apparent reason, but won’t put it in my ‘folio.
Thanks for looking again friends.
pb
It’s easy
It’s easy to get down in this industry. It’s easy to see everything wrong. In between layoffs and cut-backs I sometimes lose sight of what matters.
One of the most talented and driven people I know was laid off from her job. She has some amazing words on the experience on her blog. Maddie McGarvey writes of the important things and why we do what we do. But even with that being said, its still a scary-crazy world for a photojournalist. 
It’s a weird life because you are always balancing a constant competitiveness with a group of people who do care and love the photo community. You compete (and often lose) while at the same time support and love those you work with and challenge. I couldn’t believe it when I heard she was let go. Always one of the best in college, she came to a newspaper and was continuing her awesome work. (A lot of my free time is spent looking through other photographers’ blogs and sites. Check out the list on the right-hand side if you are ever in need of some inspiration. I basically stalk everyone.) 
Over 200 were laid off company-wide. It made me realize how nothing is forever. Nothing is permanent. I think initially I panicked. I was new here too. I thought about the fact that I haven’t updated my site, blog, resume in so long. I thought about not having any contacts outside The Republic. I wondered what I would do. Where I would go. 
But the common thread I see in my thoughts was all about how “I” was. As if this world was making its slow revolutions around me. I went back to her blog. I probably accounted for a few hits every day that week. I kept reading the words. “This job, in my short time, has led me to some incredible people who have absolutely changed my life for the better.”
It reminded me that even if this was temporary, even if it ended, not all would be over. I think back on the homes I’ve been let into. The stories I’ve heard and been allowed to tell. The openness and kindness of everyone I’ve met. 
It’s easy to go through tough weeks like that one less than a month ago and lose hope. It’s another story on a laundry list of sad ones that have been haunting photojournalism for awhile now. But what’s important is the stories we tell. It’s what makes the long nights, the low pay, the little acknowledgement and bleak future worth it. 
I’m currently working on a story about a couple in love that happen to be homeless. It is these type of stories I love to hear and love to tell. It makes all the press conferences and building mugs worth it. Betty and Chris (second picture down) have been on and off the streets for about three years. They are currently engaged and used to spend the extremely hot summer nights sleeping on the concrete parking lot outside the shelter. 
But recently she qualified for a program that provided her housing. It provides housing after a homeless person takes a test that measures their heart and how much longer they could make it on the streets. It’s tough because she can’t spend nights with Chris anymore, who still sleeps in the same lot after not qualifying for the housing. The two have a hard time dealing with it, but Chris knows it’s better for her to get out of the heat and off the streets.
Originally this assignment was just one shoot. But Betty and Chris have let me into their lives and I’m happy they have. So I’ll be following this for a while in my free time. Working on something that I like. A story I want to be told.
So I’m going to stop worrying about where I’ll be in five years and just focus on the now. Just try and tell Chris and Betty’s cute story. Because in the end that’s what makes me happy. 
It’s not about the awards or raises. Not about the next big step. My job, even if it’s only temporary, is in its simplest form to meet people. Every day. And in the end, that’s really the coolest thing. 
And as always friends, I can’t say it enough- thanks for looking.
in the dying light 